What’s going on in my head

(I am loved)

Because i’ve been fighting for so long
and insisting
and persisting
and persnickety
and resisting
and fighting for so long

i forgot to notice along the way
that I too am loved
that i too am graced
that i too am hurt
and scattered and broken
and confused
and that i too am loved.

it’s easier after all to think about the inustices
out there and ignore the tears in here

it’s easier to find a distraction
to climb a hill that is not mine
and ignore the tears in here.

and i don’t know where any of it leads
but i think i’ll shed a little light,
ask a little light to come around,

call it God, call it love, call it thou,
call it peace, call it unnamable,
call it what you will

i’m over here asking it to light me
and i am loved, i am loved, i am loved

Teresa of Avila:
While writing this, I’m thinking about what’s going on in my head with the great noise there that I mentioned in the beginning. It makes it almost impossible for me to write what I was ordered to. It seems as if there are in my head many rushing rivers and that these waters are hurtling downward, and many little birds and whistling sounds, not in the ears but in the upper part of the head where, they say, the higher part of the soul is.

The Desert folks:
Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should I do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: Why not be totally changed into fire?